Firmly Grasp It!
Today, I want to talk about how we treat our friends and neighbors. Also, about how we share our perspectives and encourage people to do something we like or to get them to embrace something we love.
And to do it, I’m going to use the most effective technique I know: Illustrate my point through a classic episode of SpongeBob Squarepants.
Jellyfishing
In the season one episode “Jellyfishing,” we see Spongebob and Patrick try to convince Squidward to go jellyfishing with them. Squidward refuses, but just minutes later ends up in a horrible bicycle accident. Then, the next day, Spongebob and Patrick force the severely injured Squidward to accompany them on their jellyfishing excursion. And things only get worse for Sqidward.
Now, I’m going to describe the main things that happen in the episode as if the characters were human, so you can better envision the torture Squidward experiences, so then we can learn from this cautionary tale.
Imagine…
There are three neighbors on a street. The neighbors on the right and left are best friends, but the neighbor in the middle strongly dislikes both of the other neighbors. These neighbors, Bob and Pat, think the middle neighbor Ward is their friend, but he thinks they’re both idiots and doesn’t enjoy spending time with them.
Bob and Pat invite Ward to go Bee-Hunting—an activity in which one takes a large fishing net, chases after giant bees with electric stingers, and releases the creature back into the wild. Ward sees the activity as foolish. He doesn’t understand the draw of the sport. He only sees it as dangerous, and he doesn’t want to waste his time with it. Even though he makes this clear to Bob and Pat, both Bob and Pat have an intensely strong desire to introduce Ward to the sport.
Ward refuses and rides his bike away from the neighborhood. After slipping a foot off the bike pedal, Ward veers out of control and rides off a cliff. After a night in the hospital, Ward is wheelchair bound, and he’s wrapped in gauze and bandages from head to toe.
When Bob and Pat hear about Ward’s accident, they decide they want to cheer him up. They break into his house and make him soup. However, even Ward’s mouth is covered in bandages, and when they try force-feeding him the soup, he ends up even angrier, with a burnt mouth to show for it.
Bob and Pat end up settling on the one sure-fire thing to cheer Ward up: take him Bee-Hunting!
As Ward’s mouth is covered and can’t adequately refuse their offer, they take his silence as consent and wheel Ward to the fields for hunting.
Pat decides to teach Ward how to Bee-Hunt. He holds up a net and shows Ward the handle.
“Firmly grasp it,” Pat said, dropping the net’s handle on Ward’s bandaged hand.
“Firmly grasp it,” Pat said again, but nothing has changed—due to his injuries, Ward isn’t able to grasp anything.
“Firmly grasp it,” Pat said again, visibly frustrated as the net bounced off Ward’s injured hand and fell to the ground.
“Firmly grasp it!” Pat then stabbed the blunt net handle through Ward’s bandages through the palm of his hand.
Ward whines in pain, but he knows there’s no escape from his psychotic neighbors.
He does his best wheeling around with the net as a new appendage. But, after he finally catches a bee, the Queen Bee finds him and zaps him with electricity the force of lightning.
The next day, Bob and Pat offer the captured bee from the day before as a peace offering. Ward sets the bee free to attack Bob and Pat, but after he does, the queen bee finds Ward for one last attack.
In the end, everybody’s injured, and none of the characters really learned their lessons.
But maybe, just maybe, we can learn their lessons for them.
The Application
Now, I admit this story isn’t very realistic. After all, the original version is about a sponge, a starfish, and a squid hunting jellyfish that resemble giant bees with lightning powers. But, the reason I wanted to talk about this classic SpongeBob moment is because it symbolically fits with how a lot of people, including many Christians, treat their neighbors.
We say we care for our neighbors. We say we’re there for them, but are we really?
We can try to care for our neighbors the best way we know how, but we can’t force our neighbors to receive the help we try to give them.
It’s like the old horse adage. You can’t make a horse drink, but you also can’t force your friend to eat soup when his mouth is bandaged shut, and you can’t force his injured hand to grasp anything when his palm is wrapped so tightly that he can’t realistically move his fingers.
So, lesson one…
If your neighbor doesn’t want your help, don’t give it to them.
Or, if you still really want to help them, help them in a way that they will receive it.
In other words, if you want to help someone, make sure you’re actually being helpful.
As Proverbs 27:14 says,
“If one blesses his neighbor
with a loud voice early in the morning,
it will be counted as a curse to him.” [HCSB]
A blessing at the wrong time can actually be a curse!
Making soup for Squidward was thoughtful of SpongeBob and Patrick, but their timing made it a curse. Since Squidward physically could not eat because of his injuries, he only ended up burnt with new injuries because they didn’t take the time to see if the soup was what he really needed in that moment.
Though SpongeBob and Patrick thought they were being compassionate and thoughtful, by not considering Squidward’s real needs they were actually being selfish and opportunistic in their charity, focussing more on how to score points as a good neighbor than on actually helping that neighbor.
This idea of opportunistic charity leads me to our greatest lesson from this episode…
You can’t force someone to grasp something when they’re already injured.
Now, I admit most of us won’t be in the same situation SpongeBob and Patrick were in with Squidward. Indeed, most if not all of us would never even dream of stabbing an injured person’s hand with the wooden handle of a fishing net.
But, on a spiritual level, I’d argue that we do this very thing more often than we’d like to admit.
What are you trying to get someone to grasp?
Some Christians are so focussed on sound theology, cogent apologetics, and fervent evangelism that they forget to think about their audience. I’m not saying theology, apologetics, and evangelism aren’t important—they’re extremely important, and they’re worth studying and worth being passionate about!
But if your neighbor is in pain, you can’t force him to grasp good theology.
Remember the proverb: even a blessing can be considered a curse when given at the wrong time!
I’m not saying you should never teach someone right theology. I am saying that if someone is in pain, you should first help them through their pain. If you’re trying to teach someone the finer points of theology and apologetics, you may be taking that person somewhere that they’re not able to handle yet. Their spirit is still wrapped in bandages.
But if you ignore their pain and try for force the truth on them when they’re not ready, you’re no better than the man who stabs the net handle through his neighbor’s bandaged palm.
Instead of admonishing everyone to firmly grasp what you want them to grasp, aid in their healing.
Sometimes, that means tailoring your approach to the individual. That doesn’t mean denying the truth or compromising the truth. It means contextualization—explaining the truth in a way that fits their context and situation, explaining in such a way they can digest it.
You can very well hurt someone by forcing them to grasp something important, especially if they’re already in pain from a previous wound.
Participate in your neighbor’s healing, how ever you can. Be patient with them. And only take them jellyfishing when they’re ready to go and firmly grasp the net with confidence.
In the words of one of my favorite poets Emily Dickenson:
Tell all the truth but tell it slant —
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth’s superb surprise
As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind —
